Famally - Family: June 2013

"But now, as I look out of the window, I can see the clouds breaking up, the rain has passed overhead and the sun is shining through gaps between them. There’s even a brilliant shiny half-rainbow in the distance with all its colours clearly distinct.

As I’m contemplating Allah’s incredible world and the blessings He has given us, it strikes me how much of His creation is mirrored in other aspects of it, and how we can take lessons from it to learn how to cope with the life He has given us." - Taken from Supermuslimah Blog : coachamal.com

Cape Town 03/06/13 Monday after the weekend Storm!

Challenging Times

We’re living in really challenging times; the whole world seems to be in turmoil and most sisters are facing tests of varying degrees in their lives at the moment. Some of the tests may be short showers in comparison to others, some of you may be coping well and yet others may be feeling as if they are drowning in a flood and unable to cope.

Allah has promised us that, just as the coming of rainfall is necessary to revive the land, He will send us challenges to strengthen and revive our faith. They are a natural part of our faith:

“Do the people think that they will be left to say, ‘We believe’ and they will not be tried?” (Surah Al-`Ankabut, 29:2)

As the tests He sends are an inevitable part of life, what can you do to get through them when they come, so you can maybe learn to sing in the rain and come out the other end seeing the rainbow?

A Burden you can Bear

“Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity.” (Surah Al-Baqarah, 2: 286)

If you realise that Allah never tests you with anything more that you can cope with, you know from the start that no matter how big the challenge you’re facing, you have the ability to handle it, somehow. Your only task then is to work out how. It may not be easy, it may have a cost, but in the end you know that if you face it, believing in this verse, you will come out the other end stronger than you had been.

So no matter what the challenge is that you’re facing, whether it’s because your children are going through the Terrible-Twos, your marriage is going through a rocky patch, you want to get married but can’t find Mr-Right-For-You, you’re having difficulty finding a job or managing on the income that you have, whatever the test is, you can get through it, somehow. It’s up to you to seek out the right solution for you, whether that is to sit out the storm patiently and wait for it to pass, to prepare a path in advance through the coming storm; to do a quick sprint through it to get to shelter; to find a friend with an umbrella to help you through; to focus on the rainbow at the end of the storm; or to enjoy the journey and dry yourself off at the other end.

So which will you choose?

1. Sit out the Storm Patiently and Wait for it to Pass

There are some challenges that you face that it’s not in your hands to do anything to take away, such as an illness or the Terrible Twos. You can ask for Allah’s support, seek out the best way to deal with it and follow the advice of the experts, but in the end in most cases, you’ll just have to wait for it to run its course. If you do that with patience, without complaining and turning to Allah, you will have passed the test and will be rewarded, insha Allah:

“Indeed, We found him patient, an excellent servant. Indeed, he was one repeatedly turning back [to Allah].” (Surah Sad, 38:44)

2. Prepare a Path in Advance through the Coming Storm

There are some challenges that you know you’re going to have to face and that you will find difficult, such as giving a talk in public, telling someone something that you know they don’t want to hear or going to have an operation.

It would be quite easy to avoid doing these things, but in the end you would miss out on the potential benefit of doing them. You could put off doing them until the time is perfect, but you know what that means; you’ll always find another excuse, because there never will be a ‘perfect time’. Or you could just prepare yourself for it. That may involve practicing your speech and anticipating some of the potential challenges that might crop up and working out how you’ll deal with them. Or it could mean finding out the information you need, so you won’t worry unnecessarily about the potential outcomes, because you’ll know how to deal with whatever they may be.

3. Do a Quick Sprint to get to Shelter

There are some things that just have to be done. Life isn’t a bowl of cherries, there are some bitter pills that have to be taken, whether we like them or not, such as cleaning the house, applying for yet another job, writing that report or making a phone call to break some bad news.

These challenges are best dealt with head on. Don’t contemplate too much on them, don’t delay them, just get on and do them as soon as you can. Once they are done you’ll be able to stop thinking about them and dreading them, they’ll be over, and you can then relax and maybe even reward yourself by doing something nice. Because having faced the difficulty you will get the relief:

“Verily with every difficulty, there is relief.” (Surah Al-Sharh, 94:6)

4. Find a ‘Friend’ with an Umbrella

“....When you ask for anything then ask Allah only, if you need help then seek it from Allah, and know that if all the people gathered and intended to harm you then they cannot do so except that which Allah has destined for you....” (Ahmed)

The first one you should turn to for help in any challenge that you face should be Allah, as He is the one who ultimately directs all matters and will never let you down. But after you have turned to Him, there are some things that are best not faced alone, that you need a friend with ‘an umbrella’ to help you through. Don’t be too proud to ask for help; to do so is depriving others of getting the reward for helping you!

It may be that you need some help to get through financial difficulties or a rough patch in your marriage, to find Mr-Right-For-You or to settle an issue that you’ve tried to resolve and haven’t yet found the answer to, and you need someone to help you get a fresh perspective on it. Most of the sisters who come to me for coaching are in this last group. They have tried to work out the solution to whatever it is that is preventing them from stepping forward in their lives with confidence, but haven’t yet found the answer. So we work together by phone or Skype to find the best path forward for them.

5. Focus on the Rainbow

Some challenges are difficult or tedious to get through, but without going through them you’d never get the result you’re seeking, such as a long course of study or training. If you focus on the multiple exams you have to pass or the mind-numbing number of practice sessions you have to go through, you’ll quit very quickly or maybe shy away from the challenge completely. But if you focus on the rainbow, the potential end reward; the degree and what it’ll mean to you, the possible ‘gold medal’ in whatever activity you’re aiming for or on the reward of Paradise for your constancy in obeying Allah, you’re more likely to reach your goal if you just get on with it and work at it consistently.

The Prophet (salAllahu `alayhi wasallam) was asked, "What deeds are loved most by Allah?" He said, "The most regular constant deeds even though they may be few."(Bukhari)

6. Enjoy the Journey and Dry yourself off at the Other End

If you can learn to dance in the rain and enjoy the journey by thinking positively about it, you’ll find that even the hardest challenges can have elements of fun. If you can look at every challenge that comes along as a blessing from Allah, a chance to polish your heart and get closer to Him, you’ll welcome the challenges that He sends to you. You’ll see them as a chance to improve, to become more skilled or to benefit more people.

It may not make the task physically easier, but by looking at it with a positive attitude, it will make it seem easier. And at the end of it, you’ll be able to dry yourself off, have a hot bath and thank Allah for all He has granted you.

“Anyone for whom Allah intends good, He makes him suffer from some affliction.” (Bukhari)

SOURCE: from Supermuslimah Blog : www.coachamal.com